4. AUTOBIOGRAPHY – THE MIRROR

As a child, just learning to read, the realization came over me one day that I had lived before, and had left the learning from that previous life to assist myself in this time – in the form of writings. My world at that time was rather small – my parents’ farm and the village school two miles away – and it may be understandable that I thought this earlier life had been lived within the world that I now knew. Thus I was an avid reading student so as to – sooner rather than later – be able to study the books in the family collection, amongst which I would surely find wisdom from my former life. As I later explored the family’s few literary treasures – a copy of “Trees of Canada”, an illustrated medical guide and past Farmers Almanacs, I realized that the quest to find the guide from my former life to the current one was not going to be the quick path that I’d anticipated, nor was I able to pick up the trail in the libraries of the primary, secondary or Sunday schools attended. And so over time even the feeling that I’d lived before faded as the idea ran counter to cultural and family belief structures, and the educative, social and working demands of this present life absorbed my energies. It was not until after retirement that the concept of reincarnation came before me again, listening to lectures at the Association for Research and Enlightenment (ARE), studying the ‘readings’ of the psychic Edgar Cayce, and critically reviewing the reincarnation findings of Dr. Ian Stevenson, former Head of Psychiatry, University of Virginia. And as is apparent to readers who have looked into other sections of this website, the quest also expanded to review the findings of many others who marveled at the natural and esoteric processes of this amazing world.

[In time I came to the personal understanding that there IS a trans-life library, but it is never one that we can subsequently tangibly find within a book – rather the self’s messages are written on the frequencies of our very essence – awaiting rediscovery by us in our current life when we have sufficient experience and balance to accept their meaning yet still have the hunger for further evolvement through applying them. Thus through gradual realizations we ‘re-member’ ourselves and advance our personal progress. Further, many people have the sense that our lives are not themselves even sequential, but rather are lived concurrently on different dimensions, and that we can even help ourselves ‘inter-dimensionally’ with guidance and intuition when conditions are right. The following story, from my own life, makes me ponder about this issue.]

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THE MIRROR

At the time the series of incidents disclosed here commenced, I was 20 years old and driving alone late at night from the farm to my shift work in a nearby city, when I was compelled to stop the car, turn off the ignition, and step outside under the moonless stars. Then, as in a trance, I took out a pencil and paper and wrote in the dark over the car roof. Having no idea what was being written, when I re-entered the car I found that I had written four instructions, the first being – “Be Humble: there is your strength”, and the second “Help others with your mind” (the last two instructions were subsequently lost during ‘the aftermath’ period mentioned below). And then – over the next three months – a fantastic grouping of personal experiences occurred which to this day has more reality than my satisfying work in systems and business banking and family formation, which aspects being now behind me, seem almost a dream. For there came to me personal involvement in the meta-world of psycho-kinesis, prescience, telepathy and astral travel (or OBE out-of-body experience), for which I was neither prepared nor particularly desirous. The latter experience – OBE – is the subject of this Perception ‘window’.

Firstly, I would observe that – in my late teens when this three month period occurred, aside from an occasional beer between square dance ‘sets’ at local Saturday night barn dances (when shift work allowed), there was no alcohol nor drugs of any nature in my life. After receiving the above list of instructions there was, though, an intoxicating ‘feeling’ that I was going to be taught/shown things not normally encountered by people. Not only during the days, but during the nights too. In a way, I felt fully aware, and sensed that my life was undergoing a comprehensive change. For instance, dreamtime became a wonder. By comparison, it seemed that the daytime phenomena were basically for experimentation; the OBE dreamwork was the main teaching device. Perhaps this is because I related to psycho-kinesis, prescience, and telepathy as self-discovery skill sets, while the dreamwork was an incredible show-and-tell experience of which I was – by instruction – to observe all but interfere with nothing. That is to say, not to intrude upon the realities nor change the destinies of other sentient creatures in this, or other, realms visited. Entry to the OBE process was, metaphorically, via mental access ‘codes’ / numerical formulae – and infraction of the non-intrusion instruction would result in loss of the code, preclusion of future OBE travel, and the possibility of being stranded ‘in limbo’.

The second requirement was a caution to not overextend the duration of an OBE trip, so as to ensure proper safety and servicing of one’s physical body and re-connection therewith. The signal to the ‘astral’ quester that it was time to return home and restore consciousness to the physical body, was when passing before a mirror, to notice whether or not one’s reflection materialized. In astral or OBE travel, one does not have substance, hence cannot cast either reflection or shadow – one is fully transparent physically and also devoid of Shadow (ego). To see either the materialization of one’s reflection or the casting of one’s shadow would mean that one’s physical aspect was materializing in that foreign realm – if fully materialized, one would be stuck there and unable to transit home. (There are many interesting places to visit, but one wouldn’t want to live there.)

It might be thought that one couldn’t observe much in a single night, but time has some interesting features. Remember how in normal dreams, major transactional periods which in the dream state seem to cover decades, actually occur within a moment or two of clock time? In the same manner, extensive durations and complex experiences in other realms were compressed within a few hours of OBE dreamwork, so that many places or realities could be accessed and observed before warning from mirror or shadow imposed the necessity of return. While on the subject of time, it was also the case that ‘visits’ could be taken to not only anywhere, but anytime, past or future, as easy as passing through time zones in an airliner. In the OBE, one is traveling in a transparent vehicle through the timeless. And try as I might, there was just no way to transit physical material from one realm to another, but the transiting of information was another thing. And this is as it should be, for what one truly knows in one’s own experience is of more value than material contexts.

In this regard, I recall that one time a dear old relative was preoccupied with/dreading the thought of death – the OBE guides acceded to my code request and the realm of death – and those realms beyond it – were visited. I found that there was no heaven nor hell, only ongoing learning and evolvement. But how to communicate this acquired information to the interested relative, for that information – if even believed – could profoundly alter that person’s reality and destiny, which was contrary to the contract. My solution was to present the findings to the other through dream relay, and to present the dream to her at a time when she would most likely be able to recall it. And because we all view our dreams as personal (as we do our thoughts), she saw the message as intuitive, or as a teaching from within, and believed it in a way that one doesn’t believe a statement from another mortal. I overheard this person telling her spouse about this dream; they both marveled at the comfort gained from such a ‘perennial’ outlook together – the dream recipient lived on for several decades, and while she had her share of physical suffering, forever after she was unshaken in her certainty of ongoing life and evolvement, and never gave in.

THE AFTERMATH

There was an implicit instruction not to tell others of any realizations; however this is like the mythic prohibition in the Garden of Eden against partaking of knowledge; the alarming reality is that a realization of any depth carries a terrible burden: Those who are allowed to see are simultaneously saddled with the obligation to communicate that vision. That is the paradox. One is allowed to see the truth and concurrently is in a double-bind in communicating it to others. Yet, if one has seen, one simply must speak out. Speak out with naiveté, or compassion, or angry wisdom or with skillful means, but speak out one must.

So I, thinking my experiences were unique and new and for the help of others, naively discussed them with my family, especially my three siblings who were much older than I. Here my intuition failed, for I didn’t pick up on how unsettling my experiences were to others. They suggested that I should bring my ‘gift’ to the rest of humanity by having the processes clinically examined, and I agreed. I won’t go into the aftermath of the three month psychic or spiritual emergence experience except to say that in due course I was ‘normalized’ involuntarily, with extensive losses in memory, cognitive impairment and loss of psychic skills. In time I was able to put several hundred miles between this family and myself, find Marnie who fell in love with me and caused me to again believe in myself, and progress in recovering logic and reasoning skills through hard but gratifying work in systems and business banking, assuming leadership and supervisory responsibilities along the way. Over time I did reconnect with my first family, but the earlier feeling between several members and myself was never the same as before. Also along our conjoint struggle, Marnie and I raised our own children, some of whom will not be aware of aspects of the foregoing unless they read this page. Philosophically stepping back, I see my spiritual evolution as that from a state akin to drowning in some amorphous whole, through an intensification of individuality into realizing the complex non-dualism of existence. ALL does seem to be within ONE. And somehow, ONE IS THAT.

How have I come to understand the ‘mirror’ experience? For me, it’s been a slow process, threads here and there. Study some/ travel some/ live and assimilate.

One thread was discovered first-hand that in some Mesoamerican cultures (e.g. the Mayan of southern Mexico and Guatemala, the community members affix mirrors to the statues of their saints – one’s reflection in the statues’ mirrors is a reminder that one is mortal, and to be humble before the invisible spirit represented by the statue.

Again, in my work interviewing business clients and staff, I inducted from the OBE experience that if one is going to get beyond the superficial and understand both the forces behind the presented facts and the strengths of the presenter, one had to set oneself aside in the moment, and be as the other – there would be a later moment in one’s own solitude to be able to transit the deeper forces embedded within the interview data, into one’s evaluation scales. Focused intuition.

And a few years ago, after attending a dreamologist’s lecture on dream symbolism, I later met with the lecturer and asked her about the symbolism of the mirror, and alluded to the nature of my interest. The lecturer stepped back and said, somewhat frightened, that she had no personal knowledge of that matter but strongly recommended that I read Robert Monroe’s books – the first of three subsequently read being ‘Journeys Out Of The Body’. Monroe died in 1995, but the Monroe Institute in Faber, Virginia is still alive and well with a Board of Directors including such eminent psychologists and consciousness researchers as Charles Tart.

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Some of the more realized therapists and spiritual teachers state that one can’t understand – let alone help – another while full of self opinion, that one has to completely forget oneself, i.e. become transparent to oneself, to the extent that one casts no reflection (or shadow) over the other’s narrative. The same occurs in good, effective conversation between friends – they forget themselves, get caught up in an open dialogue without agenda or prefixed goal, and ‘feast’ on the insights that arise not from either, but from between them. In a strange but functionally real way, one becomes the other – true empathy – or as Robert Heinlein described it in “Stranger In A Strange Land”, one ‘GROKs’ the other. Otherwise, if one were not ‘en rapport’ with the friend, one will only pollute the other’s realm with one’s own self-images and biases, and the other may already have enough baggage of his own. Often people do not want solutions to their problems from outside, but rather want to know that they are sufficiently valued by another to be heard by them. That is often sufficiently re-assuring to a troubled one to dig deeper to discover his own solutions, and thereby empower himself for future challenges.

There is no danger in losing oneself in the other, just pass in front of a mirror and you will quickly be yourself again.

** illustrations by Marnie

Addendum:

While on the subject of Out-of-Body Experiences, there are the somewhat unique circumstances surrounding the death of Paramanhansa Yogananda (1893-1952). Yogananda, author of ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ which had been read by millions of people, came to America in 1920 for the express purpose of teaching Kriya Yoga, which entails both visualization and breath-work exercises designed to attain enlightenment (Samadhi). Over the years his following expanded, and several ashrams were set up in California for aspirant devotees. On March 7, 1952, immediately following the delivery of a speech at a banquet in Los Angeles honoring Dr. Binay Sen, India's Ambassador to the United States, Yogananda collapsed and – in the absence of any vital signs – was pronounced dead of apparent heart failure. This event had previously been predicted by Yogananda to his disciples, and in accordance with his instructions to them, no autopsy nor embalming of his body was allowed, and the disciples attended his body at the mortuary, Forest Lawn Memorial Park in LA, to ensure it was not disturbed.

Later, a notarized statement signed by the Director of Forest Lawn testified: "No physical disintegration was visible in his body even twenty days after death....This state of perfect preservation of a body is, so far as we know from mortuary annals, an unparalleled one....Yogananda's body was apparently in a phenomenal state of immutability." On the 23rd day, however, a green mould appeared on his upper lip, and the disciples relinquished the remains for disposition. This phenomenon is referred to as mahasamadhi, wherein a God-realized soul makes its final, intentionally conscious exit from the body.

We discussed this phenomenon with a friend, former Yogananda adept, now living in retirement in a Mexican sea-coast village. He explained that, according to the writings of the ancient Indian Rishis, no matter how advanced a yogic practitioner was in fasting and respiratory/metabolic suppression through Samadhi exercises, there was a time limit beyond which body and consciousness could not rejoin, and the limit, as stated by the ancients, is 22 days. My friend also volunteered that he himself had practiced OBE for as long as 7 days, but, in accordance with the dictates of the Order, had always had a trusted friend guarding his body, not only from intruders, but to arouse him via pre-arranged words – the ‘soul’ would otherwise be so deeply entranced with/embedded in other fascinating realms that it would forget to come back and the body could well be mistaken for a corpse and buried.

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